The Importance of Connecting with your Spouse | The Velvet Note

Uncategorized | May 11, 2016

The Importance of Connecting with your Spouse

By Socrotiff  Michael

We are all busy, with work, with meetings, with schedules, with children, with life!  However, in the hustle and bustle of life, are you connecting with you partner? Do you find yourself so exhausted by the end of the day that you have no energy to connect with your spouse? It is important to have a meaningful and intentional connection with your spouse. Intentionally connecting with your spouse each day is an essential part of keeping your marriage healthy and fulfilling.  As wonderful as that sounds, and as much as you love your spouse, you may ask, how do I do this?

Three Tips to Help Your Intentionally Connect with Your Spouse today

  • Set aside time every day to connect with your spouse- this can be 20 to 30 minutes a day. What does this look like? It can be a walk in the neighborhood, a drive to get a sweet treat, sitting together in a coffee house, and just plain talking. Some questions you can use as conversation pieces are: What was your rose of the day-Positive, what was your thorn-Negative.  Healthy married couples have an interest in what is going in each other’s lives, they make it a point to know.  No one else should know what is going on more in your spouse’s life more than you.  Another way to connect with your spouse is to send messages throughout the day to your spouse. You can connect by phone calls, sending short, but thoughtful texts, and email messages.  Surprise your spouse by sending them a sweet, unexpected message today!


  • Your spouse should not get your last. If you are working 8 to 10 hours a day and giving your job the best of you and your spouse gets what’s left over, over time this will wear on your marriage leaving your spouse feeling unimportant. They may start to feel as if they are not a priority and an emotional gap could widen until there is nothing left.  How do you remedy this? One way is by having healthy boundaries.  When work is over, let it be over, make an intentional and conscious decision to stop all work activities before you walk in the house. This means, no talking on cell phone, or texting as you come in the door.  Give your spouse the same undivided attention you are able to give your work when you arrive home.  Putting this into practice, will help you to reconnect with your spouse.


  • Date night is an important way to connect with your spouse as well. Arrange a date night and keep it consistent each week.  Healthy couples never stop dating each other.  No matter how long you have been married, you must continue to date your spouse.  The old saying goes, “whatever you did to get them, you must continue to do to keep them.”  This is true! Before you were married, you got dressed up and went out and enjoyed each other’s company, but somewhere between dating, getting married, raising kids, and careers you stopped doing the very thing that made you connect in the beginning-dating each other, taking significant interest in each other, and focusing your undivided attention on each other.  If you recognize yourself in the scenario above, you can change it now.  Plan a date night with your spouse, and it is important to note, it is not fair to leave responsibility to your spouse to plan every date night. Take turns and plan date nights for each other, each spouse keeping in mind what the other spouse likes.  If you are having problems figuring out what your spouse likes, ask thSocrotiff1em to give you three options to choose from.

Words of Wisdom: Healthy marriages are two people who are always thinking about the other person!

Socrotiff Carruth Michael, is a Velvet Note customer and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist & Licensed Professional Counselor.  She provides therapy to couples and co-owns Michael & Michael Counseling & Consulting, LLC, with her husband Original. please visit their site at:

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